Mistake 1,001
by terraXbbXFAN2
Summary: Terra tells of her mistakes and tries to do the right thing. Beast Boy and Terra. Rating for rape, violence and lemons.
1. Chapter 1

**Mistake 1,001**

Authors note: I don't own teen titans. Set during aftershock parts one and two. Mostly Terra's POV

'' **means thoughts**

"" **means spoken**

**I've made a lot of mistakes in my life. Betraying the teen titans and going off with Slade was probably the worst. I had destroyed cities, accidentally killed people, and been running for the most of my life, but none of that compared to this. **

**I ruined people's lives. I've ruined my own life as well. I've ruined friendships, strong friendships, almost family bonds. I left the first and only real home I've ever had just for the promise of control and power. The titans could have helped me, but I ran from them. I shouldn't have done that. It took awhile just to figure out that Robin was smart, that's it. He figured it for himself, Beast boy didn't say anything. Beast Boy. I miss him so much. I just want to run back into his arms. I fought him today. It hurt so much, I just wanted to stop in the middle of it so I could break down and cry. I love him. **

**So yes, I've ruined the only love that I have ever known. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Mistake 1,001**

**Chapter 2**

Authors note: I don't own teen titans. Set during aftershock parts one and two. Mostly Terra's POV

'' **means thoughts**

"" **means spoken**

'**Way to go Terra, you've fucked up once again. What's this, mistake 1,001 or maybe it's 100,001: The point is you suck at life.' The young earth mover yelled at herself inside of her head. Her life has just been one mistake after another. First she practically ruined her home town, then she ran, moving from place to place accidentally hurting and even killing people along the way, then she betrayed her only chance to have friends, even a real family. Her birth family was never really much of a real family. Her father left her mother because she was after affairs when she was really young. Then her mother spent time with boyfriend after boyfriend, being beaten by some of them. With all those boyfriends her mother had sons, 10 of them to be exact. She was supposed to have another daughter but her mother aborted it, she didn't want another Terra. **

'**Why did I leave the titans for Slade? What was I thinking?'**

**Beast boy understood me. I could talk to him, trust him. I love him, not loved as in the past but still even now I love him. There are times when I run back to him. When I have to fight against him instead of on the same team life I used to, I just want to cry. When I get back to Slade, I do cry. **

**With Slade, it's like I'm a prisoner. I'm beat when I do something wrong. He rapes me whenever he feels like it. He hasn't for about a week, he will soon though. This was never the life I wanted. **

**I hated leaving the titans. I hated fighting against them. I have to go back to it tomorrow night. Slade has something big planned; when I say this I mean he wants me to kill them. I don't want to, I know that I said I did, but I don't. I fear Slade. I had always been skinny, but since I've been here, I've become malnourished, I'm sick all the time. I'm considering suicide. This is no life. I want to run or die one of the two. **

*******Knocking on her door*******

"**Apprentice, open this door now." Slade's booming voice came from the other side. **

**I walked over and opened the door. He has that look on his face, I hate this look, but I know it very well. He rushes in, pushes me onto my bed I huddle in the corner trying to make myself seem smaller and try to get away. I know what's going to happen. I knew it would happen. He kisses me roughly and tugs at my clothes. Soon they're off and so are his. He's excited about this, and I never get used to it. He pushes inside of me, I hate him even more each time that he does this. He pushes harder and harder and soon he's done. He pushes me down so my mouth gets every drop of his disgusting essence. He starts to leave.**

"**I'm going to go spy for a little while. Don't wait up." I tell him and run out the door before he can stop me. **

*******Outside*******

**I love being above ground. I can finally breathe, I'm not trapped anymore. I miss being out here. I grab a boulder for me to step onto from the earth beneath my feet and start my way over to the titan' tower. Slade would think I'm spying on them, and that's it. But I'm not, I need him.**

**I need Beast boy.**

*******At the tower*******

**I stand outside of the tower, just looking up for a good 20 minutes. I'm planning. I raise myself up to his room with a pillar made of stone. I peer inside and see that he's sleeping, I hate to wake him at 1 in the morning but I need to talk to him. I need him to save me. I tap on the window for a few times. It takes about 5 minutes for him to wake up. He's surprised to see me and very hesitant about letter me in. I wave to him shyly and move my hands up to show that I won't hurt him and I mouth I just want to talk to him. He opens the window for me.**

"**Slade doesn't know I'm here, I don't have my tracker on, and I'm not going to hurt you, I just want to talk to you." I tell him once I step inside. He just nods and stands there quietly. I hug him, he's surprised but he hugs me back. "I missed you, B, I'm so sorry" I whisper in his ear and he sits me down on the bed. He still cares, I can feel it. **

"**I've missed you too Terra. I'm sorry too." He tells me. **

"**I don't have long. I just want to warn you that Slade wants me to try to kill you guys tomorrow. Warn the others, destroy me first." I tell him with tears stinging my eyes. "I can't go against him; I'll die if I do. Either way, I'm dead. **

"**Terra, you're thinner, you're bruised and not from us, you've been crying. What's going on?" He's still concerned about the girl who broke his heart god I hate myself right now. **


	3. Chapter 3

**Mistake 1,001**

**Chapter 3**

Authors note: I don't own teen titans. Set during aftershock parts one and two. Mostly Terra's POV

'' **means thoughts**

"" **means spoken**

"**Why does that even matter? I just told you that I have to kill you tomorrow and you're worried about me?! This makes no sense." I'm close to yelling at him right now. How can he still care for me, after all the bad I've done. I haven't done nearly as much good to balance it out. **

"**Don't you get it Terra; I'm in love with you. And I know that you love me, just admit it. But look at yourself, tell me what's going on, let me in." He's begging me. I have to end this. **

"**Beast boy, if I do something wrong, I get beat. Slade has taken to raping me about once or twice a week. I fear him. I want out. I need help, I don't expect you to help me, but I wish you would." I'm crying and I hate crying, it means I'm weak. For some reason, he's hugging me. Hugging me really tightly too. He does love me. "And one last thing, I do love you beast boy."**

"**I'll help you Terra. Let's go down to the living room and we'll press the panic button, they'll kill me later but it's fine. Come on." After all of this, he still helps me. **

*******Living room*******

**I watch as beast boy presses the button and then hear the beeping. **

"**5, 4, 3, 2…." Beast boy counts down knowing that they'll be down here within seconds. **

"**Titans Go!" Robin cried out just as the doors opened and beast boy was about to say one. "Terra!"**

"**Get her" Raven made it down here now. Beast boy steps in front of me protecting me. **

"**Beast boy move, she's dangerous." Robin is trying to persuade him into letting me get beaten again. **

"**No, she came to me tonight seeking help. Guess what, I love her, so I'm helping her. You can help too or you can let me leave. She being raped, beaten and obviously starved. She needs help. We can start by getting this stupid suit off of her, Star get her some of her old clothes. Cyborg, help me get the neuro thingies out of her head. Robin, yell at me later. Raven, kill me later. **

"**Fine, we'll talk about this later terra. Once we get this suit of you, you're going down to the confinement room." Robin told her. **

**I was taken up to Cyborg's room where he got the neuro transmitters out of my head, so Slade couldn't control me anymore. Star brought in one of my old outfits that I had left here. The short almost fell of my hips. They would barely stay up. My shirt was now way too lose, loser then it was before. I was malnourished. Cyborg noticed so he stopped by the fridge on the way down to confinement so I could have some left over pizza and some soda to get some calories in me before I needed to be hospitalized. Robin met me down there. **

"**Cyborg, leave me alone with Terra. I want to hear side of the story." Robin said. Cyborg hugged me and said he was glad to see me alive before he went back upstairs. "Terra let me start by saying that this is a happy surprise. I was always hoping you'd make it away from Slade alive. I'm glad you're okay."**

"**Thanks Robin. I just couldn't take it anymore."**

"**Now, I'm going to ask, what the hell were you thinking going off with him?"**

"**When we first met, you figured out that I couldn't control my powers. I had told beast boy and I thought that he had told you. I felt hurt and betrayed so I ran. Along my way, I ran into Slade. He promised me shelter, food, water, and most importantly control. I was lost and lonely and scared. I didn't know what to do. By that time, I figured out that you just guessed, it finally hit me that you're just smart and you could tell. But I felt too embarrassed to go back after the scene I had made. So I went with Slade. Once I had control, he said that I owed him. He manipulated me against you guys. I always knew deep down that I didn't want this, and I should have told you guys so maybe you could save me before any of this happened. I never meant for any of this to happen. I thought I could get out before all of this happened, I thought you'd notice by then. I'm sorry Robin."**

"**I know how manipulative he can be Terra. He's done it to me too. If you had come to us, we would have been mad yes, but we would have helped you. I understand your reasons based on your file. I understand that you were lost and lonely. We'll talk as a team. Does he know you're here?"**

"**He thinks that I'm spying on you guys. He wants me to kill you guys tomorrow. I couldn't do it; I don't want to fight you guys anymore." **

"**Okay, I'm going to go talk the team. It'll be ok Terra." **

**And now I'm alone again. **


	4. Chapter 4

**Mistake 1,001**

**Chapter 4**

Authors note: I don't own teen titans. Set during aftershock parts one and two. Mostly Terra's POV. Nor any song lyrics

'' **means thoughts**

"" **means spoken**

**I was down in the confinement for about an hour by myself, singing to myself. I had always liked my voice, so did Beast Boy. He heard me singing in the shower once. I was **_**Wounded**_** by Good Charlotte at the moment. **

Lost and broken  
Hopeless and lonely  
Smiling on the outside  
But hurt beneath my skin

My eyes are fading  
My soul is bleeding  
I'll try to make it seem ok  
But my faith is wearing thin

So help me heal these wounds  
They've been open for way too long  
Help me fill this soul  
Even though this is not your fault  
That I'm open and I'm bleeding  
All over your brand new rug  
And I need someone to help me sew them up

I only wanted a magazine  
I only wanted a movie screen  
I only wanted the life I'd read about and dreamed  
And now my mind is an open book  
And now my heart is an open wound  
And now my life is an open soul for all to see

But help me heal these wounds  
They've been open for way too long  
Help me fill this soul  
Even though this is not your fault  
That I'm open and I'm bleeding  
All over your brand new rug  
And I need someone to help me

So you come along  
I push you away  
Then kick and scream for you to stay  
Cause I need someone to help me  
Oh I need someone to help me

To help me heal these wounds  
They've been open for way too long  
Help me fill this soul  
Even though this is not your fault  
That I'm open and I'm bleeding  
All over your brand new rug  
And I need someone to help me sew them  
I need someone to help me fill them  
I need someone to help me close them up

**I needed help so bad. I just wanted saving. I didn't want to kill my friends and the boy that I loved with all my heart. **

"**Terra, we've reached a verdict." It was Cyborg's voice. It sounded like the rest of the team was down there too. I heard all of their footsteps. Star was probably flying though. **

"**Well hello my beaten friend, Terra. I've missed you so much." Starfire actually hugged her. Robin was the last one in the room.**

"**We don't trust you yet, as you can understand Terra. But we want you back on the team. We want you to help us take down Slade for good. I bet you know all his secrets and weaknesses. I don't think that you'll harm us anymore. Do you have any idea what time he's going to strike?"**

"**Seven in the evening. So in like 12 hours. We should sleep. So we can defeat him. But before we do, I want to talk to Raven and get something to eat."**

"**Then how about the two of you go up to the kitchen to talk and I think we could all use a little bit of food before we go back to bed." Robin said. God he controlled everything. **

"**Okay." **

*******Kitchen*******

**While Beast boy and Cyborg argued about the type of waffles they should have, Terra and Raven sat on the coach talking.**

"**I don't expect for you to ever trust me again, or to like me, or even to acknowledge me presence. But I want to let you know that I'm sorry. Beast boy told me about your dad, so I thought maybe you understood about a screwed up past and being lonely. Honestly Raven, I don't hate you, I trust you and I'd like to be your friend, if you'd let me." I told her. I knew she would be the hardest to regain trust from. Star probably already trusted her again, so did beast boy. Cyborg and Robin would come around. Bus she wanted to talk to Raven. **

"**I do like you Terra. I think that since you reached out to us for help in the end and are giving us information to take down Slade, you can be trusted soon. I want to be your friend too. I do understand being lost and lonely. It stinks; I understand where you're coming from. I understand that war between good and evil being waged inside your head. It's ok.**

**I did something that I know she wouldn't expect, I hugged her, and oddly enough she hugged back. It was a friendship. The girls had a bond. **

*******Upstairs*******

**After waffles, they went upstairs. My room got destroyed when I attacked; it wasn't really safe to sleep in right now. So I was sleeping with Beast boy. I walked in wearing just a long t-shirt and underwear. Beast boy was happily surprised. I was unsure. He was just wearing a pair of flannel pj pants. He was so hot. Working out and fighting bad guys to wonders to a body. I snuggled into the bed next to him and rested my head against his shoulder. **

"**Thanks for saving me." I whispered in his ear and kissed him on the cheek. **

"**Anytime." He whispered back into the dark. He tilted my chin up and kissed me on my lips. I felt a rush of love, I melted into his arms. I loved this boy. I wrapped my arms around his neck and started playing with his hair. He deepened the kiss, he licked the bottom of my lip asking for entrance into my mouth, and I allowed it. Soon his hands were tracing the edge of my T-shirt. I didn't stop him. Since I didn't he ran his hand up to my bare chest, where there was almost nothing to play with. I hated being starved by Slade. I broke the kiss.**

"**Sorry there isn't more to touch, I haven't been eating much." I told him. **

"**It doesn't matter, you're perfect Terra."**

**He kissed me again. This time I took my T-shirt off. He was surprised but he let me lead. It was okay, I was comfortable with him. I felt him starting to poke at my inner thigh. I wasn't sure what I wanted. I knew that we could go a bit further. I stuck my hand down his loose pants and started to rub his hardening groin. He was big, I could feel that much. I heard him groan into her mouth, he was enjoying himself. He began playing with the top of my little boy short underwear. He wanted to go further, honestly, so did I. I pulled them down for him and actually kicked them off; I was lying naked in his bed by my own choice. He stopped kissing me.**

"**Terra, I don't want you to do anything that you don't want to do." He said while holding me in his arms. **

"**I do want to though Beast boy. I love you. This is what I want. I don't care that Slade raped me numerous times, as far as I'm concerned, you're going to be my first. And I want that."**

"**I want that too Terra. Good thing Cyborg bought me condoms a couple weeks ago as a joke. He can be mean but so right sometimes." **

**I was the one who kissed him that time. I took of his pants and his boxers. I was rubbing him again, moving my hands up and down. He had a finger inside of me too. I liked it when he did this stuff to me. I guess it's different if you love the person. I laid on my back and I heard him reaching into his side table, he put the condom on and he lay on top of me. He looked me in my eyes and kissed me one last time before he put himself inside me. It wasn't the scary awful experience like when it was with Slade. It felt good; I was in love with him. He thrust himself in and out of me going faster as we were doing it longer. Soon we had both came and we fell asleep in each other's arms. **


	5. Chapter 5

**Mistake 1,001**

**Chapter 5**

Authors note: I don't own teen titans. Set during aftershock parts one and two. Mostly Terra's POV

'' **means thoughts**

"" **means spoken**

**I woke up next to Beast boy. It was four in the afternoon. That wasn't bad considering we didn't fall asleep until eight in the morning. I knew what we had done. I love him, I was fine. Then I remembered what I was supposed to do today. I was supposed to kill them all today, that's what Slade wanted. I woke up Beast boy. **

"**I have to go back to Slade's lair. It's only to keep up appearances. When we start fighting I'm going to turn against him. But I have to leave now." I told him. I didn't want to leave him. Lying down wrapped up in his arms was the best feeling in the world. **

"**Okay Terra, I'll see you there tonight. Be careful." He told me. I still can't believe that after all this time, he still loves me. **

"**I will." I kiss his forehead and make me way over to my old suit. Cyborg had made the neuro transmitters into a head band. This way I looked like I should to Slade, but he couldn't control me. **

*******Slade's*******

"**Slade, the city is quiet and secure. The titans won't know what hit them. It's the perfect day to destroy them." I walked into his control room. 'Keep up appearances Terra.' I couldn't let him figure out that I was working with the titans again.**

"**Why weren't you here for breakfast?" He asked me. He's suspicious, makes sense considering I was gone the whole night.**

"**I came in late and left early to do some planning. I needed fresh air for the perfect plan to take out the pathetic titans." I told him. This wasn't new I did my best thinking when I'm alone in the desert or the mountains. He just nods to me. It's six in the evening now. We fight soon. **

"**We should get moving apprentice. The city won't wait forever." He tells me as he leads me out the door and back up to the surface. Since it's December, it's dark out and cold, I've always gotten cold easily. **

**Soon we're at the pier, this is where we strike, and this is where it's going to be the end. There are cinderblock, overload, and plasmas waiting. They'll all split off and lead the Titans in different places. Cinderblock will go up to a mountain, plasmas will be in some nuclear waste room, and overdrive in some electric plant. I knew where Slade was hiding. I already sent the coordinates to all of them, I would pretend to be defeated during the first fight and then they would all go there, I'd meet them there too. He's done for tonight. **

"**Plasmas, overload, and cinderblock are in position. They have each started to attack. The titans are sure to be on their way to the different spots. Cyborg and Beast boy will probably take plasmas, Raven will have overload, and Robin and Starfire will go for cinderblock." I tell him. I have to keep giving information about the titans to make everything believable. **

"**You know where I'll be waiting for when you're done. I'll be helping." He tells me before he runs off. **

**And I wait. It takes 15 minutes for overdrive to go down, Raven was always good. She had created a flood in there, perfect, she could pretend to drown. Raven wouldn't hold back, they had to make the fight look real enough. **

**When I got down there, Raven was questioning a defeat overload. She had to act confused. **

"**Hello, does the word decoy mean anything to you. We had to find some way to coax you cowards out of hiding." I said sweetly to her.**

"**Terra."**

"**Raven."**

"**Traitor."**

"**Witch."**

**We fight. At first I was winning, exactly what we had planned out. Slade was yelling in my ear about not being able to control me. **

"**You know Raven, I never liked you."**

"**I never wanted to even know you. You may have fooled the others, but I always knew you were a liar."**

"**Oh really, is that why you let me live in your home and steal all your secrets?"**

"**Shut up." **

**That was too much for her, she attacked me with everything she had. I gave up, pretending to be defeated. I fell into the muddy water, luckily I was able to create an air pocket around me so I could breathe, and I pretended to drown. I didn't answer Slade. I got notification that cinderblock was defeated, then one about plasmas. They were all safe and on their way to killing Slade. I heard him starting to fight them off, he was distracted now. I quickly got my suit off and put on my old uniform. I was on my way too.**

**By the time I got there, he wasn't doing well. No robots to distract them, no other criminals. He didn't have a chance. Luckily his back was turned to me.**

"**Slade! I made it, I'm alive." I yelled to him when I got into the room.**

"**Apprentice, attack."**

"**If that's what you want." I say as I started throwing boulders at him, he was so surprised, I fought him. Robin helped but I was giving it all I got. I was smashing with rocks and I saw him fall. I had broken his leg. **

"**Apprentice, what are you doing?" He asks me with a look of shock and confusion on his face.**

"**Doing what you said, attacking." I told him as I ended it. I had thrown a sharpened rock down on his chest. It was done, he was done. **

**The rest of the team gathered around me, we all hugged. I finally felt like I had done something right. I was finally accepted by someone, my new family. **


End file.
